Monday, 1 February 2016

Struggles with Body Image and Weight.

Hellooooo CNY.

Taken in the washroom of the mall of Da Men.

Thanks for giving me a lift, Delon! You kind, kind soul. 

Dinner with these guys. Except I didn't order anything. Bad move because my stomach growled furiously throughout the night.

Even after these years, I still find myself relapsing into the starve-binge cycle. 

Probably to do with the fact that I've successfully shed some unnecessary weight on my body and feel a ton healthier since coming home, but the pressure to lose further and to at least maintain the figure is piling. 

I've been working hard to keep active and to reduce my portion intake, yet I don't think I've slimmed down enough to be classified at a healthy weight. 

Despite all my 'fat-themed' jokes, I feel sad that my progress has always been jeopardised whenever I succumb to my cravings. 

I would eat fairly healthy for a period and would reach a point where I over restrict my intake and one day couldn't hold myself back and eat all the food in sight. Emotional eating. Binge eating. However you term it.

Honour your cravings, they say, and while I agree with it, I stumble painfully before succeeding to apply it in life. 

I feel like I owe it to myself, to my loved ones, to truly LIVE healthy.

I wanna strengthen my mind, strengthen myself to cope with the hurdles and obstacles life throws at me. 

No one has his or her life smoothly mapped out (even if on the out side it may suggest otherwise)- everyone has their own set of problems to tackle- I am constantly reminding myself to continue to learn from mistakes, to be brave, and to trust myself more.

I hesitated before posting these pictures because I feel really embarrassed and unhappy at the way I look here, and the negative thoughts seep into my mind as I fought hard to shake them off.

But I decided to not be a hypocrite. My blog should encompass of my occasional fairy tales, happy-endings but more often that not, my daily mishaps and miseries. I want this blog to be as far as possible, genuine, honest and raw- even if it involves sporting less flattering or pictures that makes me cringe or frown or weep uncontrollably... Because I hope to share a piece of my feelings with you, a parcel of my battle with healthy living and if you happen to feel that way occasionally, you're not alone- and together we can love truly healthily and happily, physically, spiritually and mentally! 

Heavy topics aside (I just needed to rant- am feeling more relaxed already thanks for being my listener), I'm glad I got to meet up with my friends last night! Albeit the night dragged on till 1 am! 

My hair. I need to do something about it. It's always so... Uh, flat. Any suggestions/ tips on how to increase the volume? Or at least make it seem like it? 

I'm thankful for my relatively thick hair but mama says the longer it grows, the heavier it weighs... This thought drives me to wanna trim my hair! And possibly switch a hairstyle, except I just have to recall the high school traumatic haircut experiences and I'd gleefully cling onto my badly-needs-styling hair and stay at the safe side. 

Oh, June, you indecisive stubborn troublesome person.

That'd be Delon's waffle/ ice cream/ seriously don't know what that's called, and my sweet, sweet girl friends, Jeanne and Qi.

Hahahaha uh whoops. My face looks better 3/4th its original size anyway. 

Thank you Jeanne for offering (read: insisting) I eat a small spoonful of your yogurt/ ice cream/ again I have no idea what my friends ordered at the dessert shop Aboong last night.

Anyone care to enlighten me?

Extremely grateful still for all the love and care I've been showered generously with by my dearest parents, family and friends who keep me grounded, who accepts my flaws and embraces my quirks. 

Ending today's post on a sweet note ^

Pun intended.

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