Sunday, 28 June 2015

Cold fades with time

Captured when I first arrived in Nottingham, UK. Back to way, way skinnier days- and I wasn't even skinny in the picture. Don't try to picture.

You wouldn't believe why I took these pictures. I don't even know these people! Behind the scenes: After sending brother off at the bus stop, I was feeling slightly blue and decided to take a walk at the campus in hope to lighten my mood. I wanted to take some pictures since the weather was great and two girls were willing to help when I approached them. Then I suggested, "Oh, let me get a picture with you, too!" They must think I'm a lunatic.

Oh, the things I do... *wipes sweat

转眼间,在英国将近10个月过去了,完成大学法律系本科第一年,有一种守得云开见明月的快感。紧接考试成绩出炉(有一张因为考试状态并不是最佳而让自己捏了一把冷汗的科目,但感恩仍顺利考过),在大家都已回国和去度假的暑假,我 正努力筹备由诺丁汉马来西亚学会举办的运动会。虽然辛苦,但我知道一切会值得的。




I can't believe how long it has been since I last visited this space.

Even scrolling my Facebook wall, it would seem everything I have been posting on that site was either something along the lines of Join This Event or Help Share This Event Page... All the events featured! KPUM Law Career Convention, KPUM Lepak, Nottingham Malaysian Games, Malaysian Festival... Friends must be puzzled, scratching their heads in confusion, wondering: "Not sure if Jun is in the UK to pursue academics achievement or society matter..." Haha, both, I hope. 

Writing here after approximately (and unbelievably) 9 months seems startlingly refreshing, like saying Hello to an old friend bumped on the streets, and sitting down to a cup of tea (because I don't drink coffee), chatting over what has consumed our time lately, but mainly about how fast (oh, how how fast) time flies, how we've grown, and how things are infinitely different yet curiously familiar in an odd, remarkable way.  

I recall how my last post didn't make it to the year of 2015.

And we are currently a few days away from stepping into July 2015 (whoa!), so I figure even that is a rather inconceivable fact to myself as I LOVE writing. I either had other platforms to express my emotions, or have been burying it deep down, as it's not astonishingly difficult to let hectic schedule get the better of me.

I don't know where to begin, I have so much to share about my 9 months studying abroad in a foreign country so far away from home.

Last I updated, I mentioned I was busy- then again, when do I ever mention the opposite. ;)

After a 3 hour and 11 minutes and 13 seconds of Skype session with a loved one last evening, I was inspired and driven to return to this place which has accompanied me for years, our conversation spurred me to put my thoughts into words.

It's currently the summer break for undergraduates in the UoN, UK and many of my friends have returned to their home sweet home, and others traveling all over the world. I am thrilled- and boy, do I mean thrilled (in the background: delightful squeals and non-stop jumping due to euphoric adrenaline rush) to reunite with my parents. My beautiful, beautiful mother and dad are coming to the UK in July and we're going on a trip together before attending my brother's convocation. I'm exactly a week away from diving into their arms. :)

Brother's convocation is on the 14th July, and there's house moving after that (I haven't packed- great, Jun), I won't be setting foot in Malaysia until after the 3rd week of July.

I truly miss home. Nothing beats home. I miss spending time with my family, something as simple as Sean, Ken, Dad, Mum and myself sitting down to a meal together is so precious to me. I miss the breakfasts at the deck, the long walks at the park, the struggle we shared to dip ourselves into the pool when it's cold in the morning, the conversations in the car, the news on the newspaper that contributed to the many topics over dinner, the laughter, the joy, the love.

I miss playing sports, hanging out, doing and saying the silliest things yet relishing in every moment tremendously with my friends (Yes, if you're reading, I'm talking about you, Han Qin, Chin Siang, Sue Zen, Jeanne, Yu En, Wen Qi, Khai Xin and the two dudes overseas, Eik Ren, and Leland).

I also miss my relatives! Had the sweetest dream in forever the other night- it was about myself having loads of fun with my cousins in hometown, and would you believe- my high pitch giggles woke me up from my dream. Boo. But I enjoyed every second of the dream.

Happiness feels more believable now. More plausible, convincing, and authentic. This. Me. Summer holidays. Home. Family. Friends. Loved Ones. Sunshine. Warmth. Home cooked meals. Shorts. T-shirts. Outdoor sports. All the Asian food!!!

Months ago, I thought this day would never come. The tormenting days trying to survive the loud, (party, get wasted and play music that shakes the building kind of) obnoxious, malicious flatmates; horrible weather; falling sick; sleep deprivation; weight gain (sigh); sky-high piled society workload; home-sickness; exam stress; house hunting madness (double sigh)... It's a miracle I am alive and kicking.

With each obstacle that stumbled my already wobbly footsteps, I hear a voice echoing in my head: "Welcome to the real world, Jun! This is reality, and don't you dare dream life is a bed of roses."

With growing up meant separation. Brother Sean to Singapore, Ken to the UK (would have been a whole different story if I had gone to Warwick but let's not look back) and my parents in Malaysia. All my beloved are scattered at different parts of the world, but I didn't feel it THAT badly when I was still back in my Comfort Zone, with my parents watching my every step.

It wasn't just about entering university, embracing another stage of life. It was leaving home that undoubtedly made me grow up. 19 years living under my parents protection, careful shielded from the harsh society, my happy, lively, butterflies-and-rainbow-filled bubble was popped in one split second- the moment I set foot into the UK.

But the bubble was going to pop. One way or another. It was only a matter of time.

I recognise this is a process I'd have to go through inevitably- the only question was sooner or later- how I'd be thrown into a deep, hollow hole, forced to climb and rise above all the challenges alone- although I will be forever grateful for all the help that I've received from friends and strangers.

I give thanks for the experience- I don't think I've been a happier person coming over to the UK, but there is no guarantee I would be less unhappy back in Malaysia- so I don't compare. I do find myself sighing over how fast time flies, and I try not to let myself sink so deep in melancholy that I just give up on life.  
For the past one month I've been busy booking venues as part of the preparation for the Nottingham Malaysian Games (NMG). And it isn't as easy as it sounds- if a phone call would settle it I'd be glad but it's more than that- visiting the venues (more than 10 venues altogether because we have a total of 14 sports + games) and deciding how many courts or pitches to book, making sure there's a prayer room for fellow Muslims friends, and all of that facilities added up musn't tip over budget.

Then there's the emailing of volunteers. Some volunteers whom, after I sent them the documents and having looked through, got frightened and probably suffered a panic attack as they quickly told me they had wanted to pull out. So... withdraw it was. I didn't blame them though, even if they signed up without considering earnestly I was pacified they were honest to me. Informing me the earliest they could would meant that while I had to go through the lengths to look for volunteers again at least I had time to do so. There were also volunteers who had plenty of questions for me, and I was more than appeased because it meant they were bound and determined about what they were getting into, and I admired that. I needed volunteers who are committed. I'm gratified, immensely gratified for such sincere, devoted, high-spirited volunteers. Working with them so far has been a pleasurable experience, and I pray that I equip myself further to be their guiding light.

So now when the going gets tough, I constantly remind myself that it is a privilege to organise NMG, that it is my honour members trust me enough to place me in the position of Director of NMG, that it is a blessing I have such encouraging and supportive family, friends, and volunteers who are in this with me together.

Oh Summer, I can't wait for what is in store for me.

No comments:

Post a Comment