Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Tired.

Mentally and physically. 

I am at this stage of my life where I don't quite know which direction I'm heading- like my mother says, the awkward age where you're not too old to be treated completely as an adult nor are you that young, clueless child who needs to be taken care after all the time. Awkward is a good word to sum it up.

Perhaps 19 is an odd age. Funny how when I was young, I've pictured myself in various stages: when I attend university, when I engage myself in a relationship, when I work, when I marry, when I form a family... 

Well, just not the stage when I attend college. I hadn't imagined myself as a sophomore in college back when I was a child, mostly because I used to assume that the next step post high school is entering a university. How silly. 

Now that it's my second (and final) year of my college, I'm aware only how fast time would fly. It's almost like time doesn't fly- it teleports. 

Last year gave me a crazy yet rightful idea what it's going to be. Hectic and stressful and unpredictable and completely tormenting in the beginning when I couldn't exactly grasp the concepts, and then poof- trials in no time- and then soon enough, I'd be sitting for possibly one the most important exams in my life. 

Insane. Seriously. I mean, I'm not thinking ahead in this matter, but it sometimes leaves me flabbergasted and speechless just how fast time flies. And how I'm growing so fast, outgrowing the teen phase, and then becoming a university graduate, following by being an employee (haha so much for not thinking ahead)...

How the bubble protecting and shielding me from the harmful and harsh reality out there is going to burst one day...

*inhales

I guess that's life. Which is why every single second is so precious that we strives to make it worth-remembering. 

Truth be told, I still collapse some days. Some days, things are smooth and pleasant and my mood is ecstatic and lovely and I'm bubbly and exuberant; but there are many days when I would still struggle with mild depression. 

Days when I would put myself down so much so that I feel absolutely worthless, days when I feel nothing except unbearable pain...

But then I learn to get over it because I know these feelings, are simply temporarily. I can't let something negative and toxic that got into my head to prevent me from doing something good for myself. I can't let the cruel words people say to let me believe that everyone is insincere and mean because no matter how you are, who you are, people will always talk. Whether you're the president of the US, a world's olympic gold medalist, an author whose books written sold 1 million, a singer whose fans on Instagram exceeds 3 millions, even people known to be selfless and noble and courageous like Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King- there are people who go against them and comment nastily at them as well. 

I just have to keep reminding myself that I can't let things that don't go my way to ruin my entire day because that's life, not everything goes your way, it's nonsensical and ludicrous to let something inevitable like that eat your self-esteem. 

I wish all of you a great day. It's already Wednesday people, press on- two more days till the weekends! And one more day till Valentine's Day for those who celebrate! And for those (yours truly) who have to sit for Math test on this Friday (sienz haha). 

Don't forget to smile! Open-mouthed smile

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