Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Bittersweet.

We bid goodbye to 2013, and greet 2014 with fireworks (old tradition, though not of our household's), cheers and panda eyes (geddit? Ha ha). Believe it or not, today marks the end of 2013. Truth be told, I still find it extremely mind-boggling. Whether this year has brought you a new job, a new partner, a new house, a new car, a new friend, a new- okay, you get the idea, I sure hope that it has brought you streams of happiness, love and laughter. 



2013 has been such an eye-opening journey to me. I've finally had to step out of my Comfort Zone, learn to survive the long hours in college, the difficult and not to mention tedious syllabus of the subjects I've been studying, and cope with the crazy stress from exams throughout the year. 

If anything, I was forced to grow up this year. My parents cannot and will not forever be there to lift the burden off my shoulder, to clip wings on my back, or to brush tears off my cheeks. At times, I have got to learn to figure things out myself, deal with demanding people myself, wrestle challenging situations myself, and manage my tender emotions myself.

This year hasn't been extremely exciting, or happening as 2013- legitimately because I spent the first 6 months of the year being burdened by misery and battling serious emotional problems. 

A few changes were made, or perhaps I got tired of living the way I used to, towards the end of the year, I learned to let go a little. I learned to live without the glory of going on stage to receive my medals or prizes from the competitions I took part in. I learned to live without knowing at least half the people in my form (after five years, what ya expect?). I learned to live without having my best friends in college (it takes time, at least for me). I learned to live without knowing almost all the teachers where I study (yes, I used to in high school). I learned to live without having plenty of netball, cross country, and speech-delivering practices to attend. I learned to live without the school field I miss dearly. I learned to live without the basketball court in school where I would play basketball with my friends under the fiery hot sun during sports lessons. I learned to live without seeing the boy I used to secretly (not so secret anymore) admire for two years in the class. 

I learned to live without protection, convenience and exhilaration. I learned to live with uncertainty, confusion, oppression, and distrust. It was more of a lax (bad, I tell you), arduous but inconspicuous year for me.

I wouldn't go to the extend of recapping 2013, since really, the whole year has been nothing but an emotional roller coaster ride for me, and the only events worth mentioning were:

  • I've finally finished AS level (big deal once it's over, not so much when A2 awaits you)
  • Dropped out on yoga for almost 3 months (ugh disappointed in myself but I have my reasons, I promise)
  • Gotten dangerously addicted to comparison on social networking sites at one point however, thankfully, one day woke up and realised just how much harm it has been doing me and deduced that my mind and health are both in a better state when not fiercely attached to that gadget Steve Jobs created
  • Engaged myself in a relationship
  • Spent my holidays with Ken who came back from the UK for a summer break
  • Went on a vacation to Melbourne with the family in December (sadly had to exclude Ken).



I may sound bitter, but I'm actually happy. Not the on a cloud nine kind of ecstasy, but at peace.

At least, I know and believe I'm beginning to build stronger and firmer trust and faith with myself, connect with my inner soul, and treat my body with gentler care than before. Change is terrifying, it's madness, but I can take anything, as long as I never give up. And I'm starting to see results, fruits boring, with that I am content, blissful and grateful. To all the wonderful, amazing people who walked into my life, for staying with me throughout my hardships and for celebrating my every joy, you all have made 2013 a more fulfilling and fruitful year for me.

I am aware I will wake up tomorrow feeling physically the same, but what's different is that a brand new year awaits us- welcome 2014! In 2014, I have only one wish: To keep the promises I make to myself, and to others. If I were to promise myself full commitment and perseverance in study, that's the promise I'm going to deliver. If I were to promise myself to respect my parents, I'm going to make it a point to see that I fulfill it. If I were to promise others a second chance, I'd do it with a sincere heart. If I were to promise others to stop pushing them away, I'd slowly but steadily accept and embrace people's love and care with open arms.


















I would like to take this opportunity to thank each and everyone of you unique and amazing readers. Whether you are a passerby, a recent/ loyal reader, or a friend of mine, thank you for making my time spent in this little corner of the blog world worthwhile. I look forward to getting to know you better in the following year. I am honoured to have shared 2013 with you, and hope you continue to enjoy your stay as we embark on a new journey! 

Last but not least, I wish all of you who are reading this right now, a Happy New Year! May all your dreams and wishes be realised the coming year, and may health and happiness surround you always.

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