Monday, 11 February 2013

Inevitable yet not fatal.

Referring to the post title, I meant separation.

It's bound to happen in life - whether or not you like it.

Couples parting when one goes outstation, parents leaving their children to go to work, siblings embracing each other when one is going to study abroad, grandchildren tearing when their grandparents finally found heaven, classmates shaking hands and wishing each other good luck during graduation...

You get the idea.

In my case today, Sean is returning to Singapore.

After the past three days that we've spent together which felt more like three hours, he has to part with us and go back to his boarding school.

Since 2010, we've been going through the same phase every year, every time this month, but parting has never been (and never will be) easy. I almost choke every time I hug him goodbye because I know I'm going to miss him so so much. I'm going to miss the joy and laughter he brings to the family, I'm going to miss having tiny arguments with him, I'm going to miss taking strolls in the neighbourhood with him, I'm going to miss preparing breakfast for him, I'm going to miss looking at him, sighing how time flies and admiring how physically and mentally grown up he is. I'm going to miss his independence when we're together, the way he leads and guides with boldness and firmness that assures me everything is going to be okay. I'm going to miss his spectacular problem-solving skills, his unbelievable tolerance and patience, his hilarious jokes, his broad and tough shoulder to lean on, his funny expressions when he shares stories... and just everything about him.

Looking at all these pictures makes my heart ache, and I feel like curling up in a corner and weep until there's no tears. 

We've been so close, I love my brother with all my heart. He still calls me 'jie', but he's more like the elder sibling to me now. I used to be the one who's so afraid of letting him go, scared that he'll get hurt because of my negligence, but as time passes, he took over my job, he's slowly beginning to take care of me, help me, and just doing everything he can for me. 

I hate parting with Sean.

You must think I should be able to adjust to the situation by now, however, it hasn't. It's like every time I send him off at the bus station I feel like my heart is shattered into pieces. A part of me dies when I stare wearily at his sad face as he peers at us through the bus window, and I curse the harsh reality we cannot avoid in life.

I can only hope for the best and very best for him, that he will be fine and safe and strong and healthy. If you're reading this, may you also say a little prayer in your kind heart, so that Sean will be well and happy always. 

Bless us all. 

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